i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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