She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
