You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
