I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
