Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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