it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had to cum in my sink.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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