Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
