honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
