He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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