My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
