Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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