This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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