The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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