so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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