it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
