Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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