i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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