So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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