I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
