so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
