My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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