i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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