I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
