It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
