he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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