Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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