Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
