i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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