remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
