Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
