Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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