No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
