How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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