I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We got so high we made milksteak
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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