what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
