i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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