im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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