I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
