Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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