I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
