next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize