Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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