she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you win again, gameday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
