i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
