I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
