The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
