Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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