Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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