mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
