I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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