It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
