Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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