im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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