O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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