i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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