I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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