Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
