my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm passing your future prison.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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