Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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