Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The best revenge is premature balding
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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