If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
